If you often fear being left alone even when you are with your favorite people, you are not alone, and this isn’t untreatable.
We know that you have a constant voice in your head saying, “What if everyone around me leaves or stops loving me? I’ll be alone.” Such words plant the seeds of negative emotions like fear, sadness, insecurity, and anger in your head.
It’s a common trait in individuals who want to protect what they have and be around people they love. But everything in excess is dangerous, and so is this. In this blog, we will explore why people develop a fear of abandonment, how it can be detected, and what the cure is.
What is Fear of Abandonment?
Fear of abandonment, as the phrase suggests, is a mental state where the individual feels they have no one in their life and are lonely. This often arises from a deep-rooted childhood trauma or a toxic relationship in the past that leaves them thinking they are of no use.
People with this fear need frequent reassurance from their partner and are often insecure in their attachment style, which can even cause other mental health disorders.
Common Causes of Fear of Abandonment
Although it’s difficult to cite this fear of being abandoned, here are some causes of experiencing a fear of abandonment.
- Negative childhood experiences that make you believe that everyone will leave you.
- Early negligence or abuse by immediate or extended family resulted in a lack of trust.
- Past toxic relationships leave you in self-doubt.
- The demise of someone close to you can leave you feeling lonely at all times.
- Existing mental health conditions can amplify or create a fear of abandonment in individuals.
Signs and Symptoms
If someone around you is behaving differently, you can observe these symptoms and determine whether they are experiencing self-doubt and a fear of abandonment.
- They fear being left alone and often go to places just to belong to a group, even if they are not comfortable.
- They think no one likes them, and everyone is planning a conspiracy against them.
- They are being too available for everyone at the cost of their own time and health.
- They often struggle to set clear boundaries, giving too much of them to others.
- They settle for less because they don’t know what they deserve and lack confidence.
- They struggle to express their emotions to others
- They overthink all the situations that have happened and might happen
Fear of Abandonment and Mental Health Disorders
Fear of abandonment is a trait that reflects a bigger problem. It’s known to be associated with some of the major mental health disorders listed below.
Borderline Personality Disorder
Individuals with BPD tend to experience unstable relationships, and fear of being alone is one of their strongest traits. Self-harm, impulsive behavior, and worried about being abandoned. These can be real or perceived situations.
Depression
A person with a constant fear of being left behind often feels lonely, worthless, and hopeless about life, which contributes to chronic depression. If you see someone being sad for a long time, not indulging in any activities, and often withdrawing himself, it’s time to help them.
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)
A sudden demise of someone close, childhood traumatic experiences, or constant flashbacks of negative experiences can contribute to PTSD and develop a fear of being abandoned by the group. This often leads to distant relationships and a lack of emotional stability.
Dependent Personality Disorder
As the phrase suggests, experiencing a fear of abandonment for a long time can lead to a dependence on other individuals for emotional and physical needs. This can lead to submissive behavior and difficulty in making decisions for yourself.
Overcoming Fear of Abandonment
Being comfortable with yourself and overcoming this fear of abandonment is a journey. You can start by following these steps to improve your mental health.
Self-reflection
Once you observe yourself in this spiral of perceived fear, take a deep breath, sit with yourself, and reflect upon your thoughts. Start by writing what you feel, even if it’s just half a page every day. This will help you process your thoughts and make a rational decision.
Practice self-care
Becoming a better version of yourself will help you see endless possibilities and give you the confidence to live your life on your terms. Meditation, exercise, nutritious food, reading, pursuing a hobby, and reconnecting with your friends can give you a start to living the life you always wanted.
Learn to be alone and not lonely
People often confuse being alone as being lonely and vice-versa. When you are alone, you enjoy your own company either through an activity or just by sitting with yourself. You don’t crave anyone’s presence. When you are lonely, you want to be a part of the community, but you don’t find your people and hence feel that there is something wrong with you.
Talk Therapy
Once you have taken essential steps to overcome this perceived fear and don’t see much improvement, it’s time to let professionals help you. One basic step is allowing yourself to talk freely without any judgment, and that’s where talk therapy can help.
How can professionals at Avisa Recovery help you?
We understand how difficult it can be to communicate freely about your feelings and to fear being judged constantly. At Avisa Recovery, we are your mentors, partners, and friends, always here to help you improve.
We help individuals with any type of mental health condition through therapies, medication-assisted treatment, outpatient and inpatient treatments, recovery coaching, psychiatric evaluations, and supportive housing. We are available in person and virtually to guide you at your convenience.
You can request a callback by sharing your concerns here, and our team will reach out to you.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Q: What is fear of abandonment a symptom of?
A: It can be a symptom of anxiety, depression, BPD, insecure attachment styles, or unresolved childhood trauma.
Q: How to heal from abandonment?
A: Through therapy (CBT/DBT), self-compassion, building secure relationships and addressing underlying trauma.
Q: What are the 5 stages of abandonment?
A: Shattering, withdrawal, internalizing, rage, and lifting are the 5 stages of abandonment.
Q: Is fear of abandonment treatable?
A: Yes, with therapy, mindfulness, and supportive relationships, individuals can manage and overcome it.
Q: What attachment style is fear of abandonment?
A: Anxious-preoccupied attachment style, marked by clinginess and fear of rejection.